From Eye-Rolling to Inclusion: Supporting Families of Neurodivergent Applicants in the Admissions Office.

Early in my career, international school admissions professionals met in job-a-likes and conferences, sighed quietly, and rolled our eyes when we thought no one was looking. Most often, the reason for our desperation were applications we labelled as “special needs cases,” involving any applicant who displayed anything other than typical abilities our schools served. This is the truth, and it is uncomfortable as it is to admit. And it is also true that this reaction wasn’t rooted in a lack of care but in uncertainty and a lack of training and understanding. No shared language and no clear frameworks for engaging thoughtfully with families of neurodivergent children pushed us all into looking away.

Like many admissions professionals, I defaulted to what felt the safest: templated responses, empty wording, and emotional distance. I “listened” while preparing to respond and did not make the effort to understand. I wasn’t unkind, but I wasn’t clear or fully present either.

I now describe myself as a recovering eye-roller. I owe my awakening to a few lanterns: parents of neurodivergent learners, my work with Safe Passage Across Networks, or professionals who shed a light on what best practice looks like.

Listening Changed Everything

Volunteering as Director of Communications for Safe Passage Across Networks, I attended several meetings where I heard parents of neurodivergent children speak openly about their experiences with schools: Jon Springer (currently the head of the Parents Alliance for Inclusion) spoke about thirty months spent searching for a school that would take his sons, a place where they would be seen and understood and about repeated rejections that left his family raw and extremely sensitive to complacency and cookie cutter responses; Carolina Porto shared her experiences with vague or delayed communication; and Roslyn Dotterweich was honest about the emotional toll of always having to justify their child’s needs. What became clear to me very quickly was this: these families were not asking for exceptions. They were asking for honesty, clarity, and respect.

I understood that many families of neurodivergent learners arrive into our admissions offices already carrying the weight of past disappointment(s). They are experts in their children, navigating transitions that affect not only schooling, but employment, visas, and family stability. Yet too often, they are treated as a category rather than as partners. This understanding forged a reckoning: the importance of empathy and integrity in the admissions office. Important concepts, indeed. Buzz words of the day! But what do they actually mean and how can they be applied in our daily work?

Empathy and Integrity: What They Are (and Aren’t)

In Atlas of the Heart, Dr. Brené Brown explains that empathy is not about having lived the same experience as the family in front of us. This was for me the first point of both revelation and relaxation. The idea that empathy was about connecting with emotions others bring into the room and not with their specific situation offered a realistic path: while we might not be parenting neurodivergent children, we have all for sure experienced disappointment, fear for someone we love, panic at plans we really want to happen not working out. I could definitely relate with that. Just as importantly, Brown reminds us what empathy is not: sympathy: sympathy distances, fixes, or minimises. Empathy calls us to stay present, curious, and human.

Integrity, a word so many vision and mission statements include, is in fact not about beautifully worded mission statements. It is about alignment between values and behaviour. In the admissions office, integrity shows up in clear communication, realistic timelines, honest conversations about capacity, and the courage to say “we don’t know yet” when that is the truth. Integrity for admissions professionals also means being a bridge, not a wall: paying attention to what is coming their way in the office so that they can take it further to the schools’ leadership teams. This is how we can enable schools to improve the way they serve families of neurodivergent learners.

Practiced together, empathy and integrity move admissions processes from transactional processes into the first manifestations of inclusion prospective families experience when approaching our schools.

Learning from Practice, Not Perfection

My thinking and practice have been shaped by learning communities and organisations that take inclusion seriously: not as an aspiration, but as a discipline.

Through Remfrey International, I have engaged deeply with ethical admissions practices and family-school partnerships grounded in clarity and care. Safe Passage Across Networks (SPAN) has offered robust frameworks for understanding transitions, reminding me that how people leave, arrive, and settle matters profoundly. And learning from best practice at International School of Kuala Lumpur (ISKL) has reinforced what is possible when schools commit to transparency, collaboration, and shared responsibility.

None of these spaces promise easy answers. What they offer instead is something far more valuable: language, structure, and examples of what good practice actually looks like.

The INCLUDE Framework

I am not naive. The reality is that this work is genuinely hard.  Especially in environments that are understaffed, overextended, or lacking institutional support. It asks us to stay humane in moments of pressure, to communicate clearly even when our inbox is overflowing, and to hold space for families’ emotions while managing the technical demands of enrolment. And the fact that we are humans, with personal lives as well. And, this is precisely where admissions professionals can make the biggest difference. Meeting families of neurodivergent applicants with empathy and integrity shapes far more than a file or a decision. This influences our school’s reputation, builds trust in families, and sets the experience of prospective families on a meaningful path in our institution.

To drive this from the more philosophical to the more practical realm, here are seven powerful shifts admissions teams can use to approach neurodivergent applicants and their families with empathy and integrity. I partnered with Chat GPT to create the acronym I.N.C.L.U.D.E. and hopefully make these shifts easier to remember.

These are not big reforms. They are small, repeatable shifts that change how families experience your school.

This framework was developed with families of neurodivergent applicants in mind, but the beauty of inclusion is that it makes all of us better. All school staff who are touchpoints with parents, students, and faculty could benefit from INCLUDE as a simple and easy to remember anchor, a fix, especially for the tough moments that are bound to appear within the complexity of human interaction.

How Sage Can Support You

Supporting families of neurodivergent applicants is complex, emotional, and deeply human work. It requires skill, reflection, and systems that protect both families and staff.

If your admissions team is feeling unsure, overwhelmed, or simply ready to do this work more thoughtfully, Sage Consultancy offers support through reflection, training, and practical frameworks grounded in your school’s real admissions experience.

If this resonates, I invite you to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone, and meaningful change rarely starts with knowing everything. It starts with the intention of knowing better to do better.